What is WRONG With You??? (from March 8, 2013)

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I get asked that question a lot. There are several things wrong with me. Here is a handy list for future reference:

1. I suck.
2. I’m stupid.
3. I’m selfish.
4. I’m eternally twelve years old.
5. I’m a picky eater but not too goddamn picky. I am 30 pounds overweight.
6. I’m as fragile as an heirloom bone china tea cup.
7. I’m as hard as a brick wall.
8. I cannot figure out remedial math.
9. I cannot hold down an entry level job.
10. I’m broke.
11. I’ve got clumsy fingers.
12. I first ran away from home when I was three, on my tricycle.
13. I’m still running away from home.
14. I have no home.
15. I myself am hell.
16. I don’t miss my uterus.
17. I miss my son. I am not allowed to cry.
18. I wallow in the bed I made.

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